I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
