ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
