just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Randomize
