What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
