2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
