I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
