after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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