Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You need a sexual gate keeper
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
