WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
