We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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