new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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