ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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