Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
