I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
