Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
