I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Panties = found
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
