I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
