Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I understand Curling. That high.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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