Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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