I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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