I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
