Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
