She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
