fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
