she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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