I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
