i would punch a child for taco bell
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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