I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
