Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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