hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So squirting runs in the family.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
