Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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