I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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