if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
