These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
