his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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