Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
