So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
