it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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