she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
