I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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