well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
