I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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