A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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