i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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