the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
