you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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