So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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