he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize