just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
