"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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