Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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