38 yer olds are good kisserssss
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
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