I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
